02.10.10
Well, hello there, pretty lady *shot*
So…
Two (well, three now) days ago, I got into an argument over the internet. This one guy was kind of being fairly sexist and an overall douche. He came to a forum I like a fair amount and started talking about PUA and its related books.
A ton of people — including myself — went and crucified him for trying to promote a fairly insulting and technique for sexing up girls.
Now, the whole ordeal kind of got the wheels in my head spinning. I had heard bad things about PUAs before, but I started thinking:
Really, what’s so bad about them? Why is it that they’re despised in this forum space? Why am I so naturally good looking? etc…
So a forumite gave a link to one of their forums.
—-
Oh, neat. A hyperlink! Nothing bad can come from this!
*five minutes later*
Give me a freaking pitchfork, I want to stab someone
—-
I saw and read the thoughts of the most arrogant, misogynistic, emotionally shallow people I have ever observed in my life. It was maddening. I could feel every single Y-chromosome I had trying to rip its way out of my body. I think that a quote on the (good) forum describes the whole subject the best.
It’s easy to see how [avoiding the act of putting women on a pedestal,] like other aspects of PUA garbage, is something of an over-correction for capital-N Nice Guy tendencies. In fact, I think PUA tactics are a good example of what happens when you try and address Nice Guy issues without addressing the underlying misogyny.
That’s really a wonderful way of describing it. I mean, what do Nice Guys tend to do?
- Focus on one person exclusively
- End up missing the forest for the trees — the act of getting the girl you want becomes more important than the girl herself
- Dehumanize/apotheosize the object of their affection
- Be very self-loathing
- Be emotionally stunted
- Not be able to have a proper relationship
What do PUAs seem to be doing?
- Focusing on getting sex as much as possible
- Ending up missing the forest for the trees — the act of getting the girl you want becomes more important than the girl herself
- Dehumanizing women
- Being very over-confident and arrogant
- Being emotionally stunted
- Not being able to have a proper relationship
Kinda similar, huh?
The thread was locked eventually, after a mod decided that he had had enough of the argument. The member in question went on to post a thread that enabled people to ask advice from The Love Guru himself. T’was locked in ten minutes. A few people keep trying to argue with him but I’m not sure that I will.
It’s too much of a drain…
02.09.10
Send it off in a letter to yourself…
So… yeah.
This is supposed to be a letter to my past self.
…Well, past selves. I’ve addressed a large amount of my past selves and I’m kinda depressed thinking of how much of an idiot I was and still am.
Dear… Me.
I really don’t know where to begin. Maybe I should start with this. Looking over everyone else’s posts, I might as well go about this in a chronological manner.
To my seven year old self: You know, this is actually going to be one of the most fun times you’ll have for a while. She’s a really good friend and even though you don’t know it yet, this’ll be the first and only year you’ll ever have with her. Also, stop being so overconfident. You’re making yourself look like a douche.
To my eight year old self: I really don’t know how you managed to learn English so fast but kudos. Really. Especially if it was solely from watching TV like I think it was… Also, stop thinking that you’re the smartest person in your classes. You had the best teacher possible at that time; she always did her best to deflate your large ego.
To my eleven year old self: You’re a really large douche, you know that? I absolutely hate your attitude, your lack of a self-esteem, and your way of trying to control people. I want to go back and smack the living daylights out of you, you abusive little prick. *slap*
To my twelve year old self: Yes, she’s a girl. She’s a very nice girl and you’re really lucky to have met her. Still, you have no justification for becoming a Nice Guy or for putting this girl on a pedestal. You completely screwed over your self esteem and almost wasted a perfectly good friendship.
To my fourteen year old self: Yes, she’s your first girlfriend. Stop thinking of relationships as pure and lofty things that you can never reach — they’re really not that good and beautiful. Maybe if you actually try enjoying what you have, you might have a good relationship with this person. Also, in the summer, you’re going to be browsing the social fora on some weird site and you’re going to find a secret board. Read it all over and learn what it says. It’ll help take away the stupid ideas about relationships that you have.
To my sixteen year old self: No, E kinda sucks. Yes, she fits almost all of the small fetishes that you have but think with your head for a minute. You barely know her, she angers easily, she can’t deal with her emotions easily, and you barely know her. You won’t get closure from the relationship and you’ll still have a bit of baggage in the future. The second girl, V — she’s awesome. She’s nice, you know her fairly well, she gets a lot of your eclectic humor, and you both complement each other really well. She’s wonderful.
Also, you’ll find a fairly good forum that year. It’s called the xkcd forum. Don’t wait as long as you did to join up. You’ll end up loving the people and all that it teaches you. So don’t be so shy. It’s the internet, really; what do you have to be shy about?
To my present self: Yes, ask her out! Ask T out! You’ve wanted to do it for… what, two months? So do it! The next time you see her and can talk to her, ask the girl out! She’s not really that scary and if you two are really as close as you think you are, it won’t be that awkward if she rejects you. Just do it.
Also, read more! You used to love to read and you barely do it anymore. Just read and get that giant back up over and done with. Please.
With love,
Yourself.
02.02.10
M.
Hi, M!
How’ s it going? There’s this really important thing that I’d like to talk to you about. I believe that you already have an idea of what this conversation is going to be about but please bear with me.
Now, you’re white, right? White, male, Christian, American, able-bodied, and hetero. You fit almost every single type of privilege that a person living in this country can have.
Really, by itself, none of that is bad. There’s nothing wrong with you being part of the majority; I, myself, fit four of those criteria and can pass for a fifth. Really, it’ll make your life a bit easier in the long run — fitting the mold that everyone defaults to when thinking of a person in the US isn’t bad in and of itself. However, there’s a slight problem that arises when you use the powers given to you by the majority of which you are a member to terrorize a less powerful or less present group.
No, using gay as a derogatory term is not justified in any way. Don’t point me to a stupid language evolves constantly justification and try to run away from the subject. Don’t try to tell me that what you’re doing doesn’t matter. Especially don’t try to tell me that you’re not going to stop saying an insulting, perversion of an otherwise benign word that supports society’s systemic oppression of a minority group because an actress you don’t like campaigned/is campaigning for the stoppage of that meaning of the word.
You do realize how stupid that makes you sound, right?
I’m going to keep reinforcing society’s illogical belief that homosexuality is wrong because a washed up actress whom barely anyone remembers wants to stop people from marginalizing another segment of humanity!
You know what? No.
Jódete. Te rechazo. I reject you and all of your possible justifications for this. I brought this up twice today and still you didn’t pay attention. You’re not a rebel, a stalwart knight, or whatever fantasy you conjure up for yourself
You’re a bigot. A homophobic little prick with no regard for anyone but himself.
I hope that you’re able to dislodge that nice, large chunk of pretentiousness and privilege from your rectum some day soon, M.
You used to be a decent person in the past. I’m hoping you can still be one.
–Summer Glau, bitch.
01.27.10
Oh, my dearest segfault, how I seem to like you….
Have you ever thought about what it would be like to talk to a brick wall?
For a while, it would be like playing Tennis against it. For a while, every one of your serves is returned quickly and efficiently. However, the returns get slower and slower and once even a swing is missed, you’ve lost the flow of the whole thing. The connection that you thought was so strong between you and the wall is shattered so easily; you feel extremely disappointed and hollow inside.
It’s basically a segmentation fault. That’s what it feels like to talk to X.
Encouraging, huh?
Why do I always affix all of my emotions to musicals, anyways?
You know, I’ve been listening to the Avenue Q soundtrack a lot for the last few days and I have to say that –surprisingly– a lot of these songs fit in with my current woes. It’s actually really creepy, man. I’m scared. (They might be following me. Call the police!)
I guess that I’ll go down the list of the soundtrack, really.
What Do You Do With a B.A. in English/It Sucks to Be Me — No, no, no. We’re starting with songs pertaining to my relationship woes first. …I don’t know why, but that’s the way it’s going to be.
Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist — Yeah, this one seems like a weird one to start with in terms of relationships. It really shouldn’t bother me that much but she has identified herself as a sexist person. I suppose that misandry is better than misogyny but it’s still bothersome. It’s also weird thinking that I’m attracted to someone who calls herself a ‘fundamentalist’ or is at least influenced by those thoughts. Thinking about it, she’s a lot more conservative in everything than I am but I don’t really mind. It’s a bit weird to think about it but she doesn’t let the label’s stereotype define her. Once I get over the initial segmentation fault I get from the idea, it doesn’t really matter.
Mix Tape — It’s… a weird idea, giving someone a mix tape out of nowhere. I do like it, though, giving someone a set of songs that remind you of them. It’s really a Romantic notion and as silly as it is, I might actually do it. I will, however, take Princeton’s cue. Give one to all of the friends that I can think of.
There’s a Fine, Fine Line — There’s a fine, fine line / between a lover and a friend / There’s a fine, fine line / between reality and pretend / And you never know until you reach the top / if it was worth the uphill climb /It’s a fine, fine line / between love and a waste of time
There’s a fine, fine line / between a fairy tale and a lie / And there’s a fine, fine line / between you’re wonderful and goodbye / I guess if someone doesn’t love you back / it isn’t such a crime / But it’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of your time.
And I don’t have the time to waste on you anymore /I don’t think that you even know what you’re looking for /For my own sanity / I’ve got to close the door / And walk away….
There’s a fine, fine line /between together and not /And there’s a fine, fine line/ between what you wanted / and what you got /You gotta go after the things you want / while you’re still in your prime…
There’s a fine, fine line between love /and a waste of time
That speaks for itself, doesn’t it?
There is Life Outside Your Apartment — This may just be what I need to do. Get out of my bubble and try to meet someone else. …Just without the (heavily implied) prostitution at the end.
The More You Ruv Someone — …I refuse to believe that this is true.
…And now for the non-relationship songs
For Now — Man, this song is depressing. It’s nihilism in song form. It’s a wonderful way to get oneself depressed. We’re only dust in the wind and all. It’s made even worse by the happy beginning that it has and how you believe that it’ll end up in an uplifting way.
What Do You Do With a B.A. in English/It Sucks to Be Me and I Wish I Could Go Back to College — I suppose that I should apologize right now because this is kind of all I’ve been doing throughout all of this post. Moping and whining and I really should be doing something more than that. Sorry.
…And with that I shall end this.
-Emi
